Apparently, finally getting a handle on his brujo demon makes Lafayette act even gayer than normal. Since he has spent most of the season either in mourning or trying to cover up Sookie's murder, it's nice to see Lafayette be fabulous. In any event, after talking with Sookie's grandmother, Lafayette relays important messages to Sookie about a box of scrapbooks she has under the bed. Searching through the scrapbooks leads Sookie to the old sheriff's house. After some questioning and mind-reading, a full-figured woman named Sweetie (not a stripper) cold-cocks our fairy-blasting heroine.
Meanwhile, at the most overwhelmed sheriff's department on planet earth, Jason sends Jessica home with protection so he can focus his considerable mental abilities on solving the case of the Obama Masks. This week, Jason's sexual frustration manifests itself in the physical assault of a prisoner. Somebody needs to get Jason his "medicine" before he really hurts someone. Outside of the office, Bellefleur has to tell the lame-stream media that it was not President Obama himself causing the considerable violence against supernatural denizens of Bon Temps. Sam and Luna roll up demand to help. Bellefleur refuses their help while Luna uses her poor acting skills and voice inflections to make it seem like Bellefleur just denied a three-way with the two of them. Was that what they were talking about? It really doesn't seem that far-fetched, right?
Once the Romney voters saunter away from the police station, Bellefleur notices the cowboy boots of the previous sheriff on one of the Obama Masks from the video on their website. After remembering that the sheriff's wife use to let him crawl in her lap, Jason leads Bellefleur to an old pig farm where the Obama Masks plan on throwing Sookie to the pigs. Fortunately for Sookie, Sam is disguised as a pig and leaps out to save her. Then, Sam shows off his excellent naked fighting skills against the Obama Masks while Luna delivers some naked ground-and-pound to Sweetie. Bellefleur finishes the job by shooting the sheriff as he makes a lunge for naked Sam. Bellefleur is thanked for his bravery by Sam who tells him that he's not the worst sheriff Bon Temps has ever had. Let's not jump to conclusions, Sam. Either way, I'm happy to see this storyline come to an end. I guess we're done once Sam and Luna get Emma and head home to start banging it out, wolf-style.
Or not. Russell Edgington shows up to JD's pack to cement their bond by letting them have some of his blood. Martha is there holding Emma, who still looks like the cutest wolf ever. Martha decides to give lip to the Edge Man which results in his Emma being taken. Welcome back to the storyline, Sam and Luna. Can't we bring back Alcide into this one?
No, we can't, because Alcide has to put on his best driving music to go see his dad. (His choices were solid, but I feel like not using "Go Your Own Way" is a clear oversight by him.) Judging from the flashbacks and what we get of him in his trailer, Alcide's dad is a pretty solid pack guy, but a bad gambler who puts his disability checks on dogs. Also, it's good to know that someone with basic cable in a trailer in the middle of nowhere can get a clear picture of the dog races. I'm glad that we have one of the guys who can actually act out in the middle of nowhere on a spiritual journey. That seems like a good use of Alcide. I guess Alan Ball hasn't seen Magic Mike.
While that storyline is only beginning, we got an end to the Smoke Monster plot. After being challenged by Terry to a fight to the death, the Guy from Scrubs decides to kidnap Arlene to arrange for a showdown with Terry. Apparently, Terry had a lot to do because he doesn't arrive at Merlotte's until night fall after Arlene is taken prisoner while starting the morning shift. I think Alan Ball would like me to just let that one go. Anyway, Arlene gets the drop on GfS while he's fighting Terry, and Terry ends up shooting him in the head at the behest of the Smoke Monster. The Smoke Monster claims Guy from Scrubs' body, his third paycheck, his dignity, and floats out of the restaurant. I thought it was nice that he cleaned up the blood afterwards. Nobody needs another murder cover-up this season.
(Update: The Czarina kindly pointed out to me that the Smoke Monster actually didn't clean up the blood. However, she does note that it definitely should have. "That would've been nice.")
RIP, Guy from Scrubs
Without a doubt, the main event occurred at the Authority. The Authority's lair has started to take on a Herschel's Farm feel to it. After a while, you don't care what happens. You just want to leave. I know Eric definitely does. His need to leave causes him to bring in Tech Girl and Bill to his escape plan. Bill is having an existential crisis that not even Sookie's magical snatch can solve. You know what can solve it though: Some light belly-dancing coupled with some aggressive vampire sex courtesy of Salome. Apparently, Salome is a much better lay than Sookie because Bill gives up Eric's game. He's led away in cuffs to end the episode. Looks like we're headed back to