Last week’s premiere left a lot to be desired from a
competitive and crazy standpoint. That
being said, the first sentence of tonight’s synopsis starts with “After a night
of drunken debauchery…” so we could be in good hands with this one. Let’s get to the diary.
0:01- I have to say, the new intro is awesome. It has cool graphics and nice interactions
between the couples.
0:03- Big Fat Vinny reveals that his move after he got
kicked out by his ex-girlfriend was to go home with a different girl every night. If his genitals don’t glow in the dark, I
would be stunned.
0:07- Annnnnnnnnd we have our first big blow up between
Jasmine and Tyrie. Jasmine is so enraged
that she chest bumps and gets into the face of a guy that has 8 inches and 100
pounds on her minimum. Clearly, Jasmine
has never been hit by another man. Let’s
hope tonight’s the night. The Czarina is
actively rooting for it.
0:08- Apparently, we are going to let Jasmine punch Tyrie
and get away with it. Under normal
circumstances, she would be kicked off the show. It’s obvious that MTV is rationalizing that
her special brand of crazy is too good to get rid of. In fairness to Jasmine, Tyrie did give her
(and everyone else) the moon while announcing “Kiss my mother (expletive) black
(expletive).” In related news, I love
this show.
0:10- Today’s challenge is called Hook Up. They are using giant metal hooks to put in
rings to swing from beam to beam. I’m
not thrilled with these challenges thus far.
I would prefer physical violence over cooperative teamwork
challenges. The high point of this
challenge is that everyone is terrible at it.
There are lots of humorous crashes into the water below. If you don’t mind, I would like to recap the
female performances.
Every female except
for Camila and Sarah: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! PANIC!!!
PANIC!!!
BF Vinny and Sarah beat Johnny and Camila in the finals to
become the power couple. Leroy and Naomi
came in last and are headed into the dome.
0:30- The gang takes the night off to go to a nightclub and
engage in some drunken revelry. We get
treated to a classic dance routine from Leroy and Aneesa that was basically sex
with clothes on. The ceiling is starting
to loosen on this evening…
0:31- BF Vinny is having a shirtless good time when he
decides it would be a good idea to rip Mandi’s top off. It’s not adequately explained why BF Vinny
decides to rip off Mandi’s top, but I would like to make a conjecture: BF Vinny
appeared to be having such a great time while shirtless, that he clearly
thought Mandi would also have a great time if she were shirtless. Sounds like logical thinking at its
finest. Frankly, I’m not sure why Mandi
got so bent out of shape about it.
0:36- TJ arrives to interject some sanity into the
proceedings. Unfortunately, he isn’t
successful. They decide to send in Wes and
Mandi. Talk about rubbing some salt in
the wound, BF Vinny.
0:38- TJ returns after a short period and dismisses BF
Vinny. After BF Vinny walks out, TJ also
informs Sarah that she has to go. Sarah
reacts like her mom just died. You can
be angry or upset about not getting to compete for the money, but don’t react
like it is the saddest thing to ever happen to you. If it really is the saddest thing, then I
will retract my statement and tip my cap.
0:48- The elimination round is a classic “Rip the thing out
of the other guys hands” battle. Not to
stereotype, but I’m taking the large black man in this one. Leroy destroys Wes as expected.
0:52- In a bit of a surprise, Mandi whips Naomi. It’s all about the coin toss. Wes can’t beat Leroy and Naomi can’t beat
Mandi. Fortunately for Leroy, the coin
lands in his favor.
0:55- Leroy fights off a blood choke from Wes to win the
challenge. More importantly for Leroy
and Naomi, nobody wants to face them in an elimination round. Leroy has made his mark as an absolute beast.
0:57- After watching Leroy engage in physical combat, Naomi
decides she wants to sleep with him. Cue
all female stereotype jokes. In
addition, the Czarina completely understands where Naomi is coming from. I’ll add in a couple of snippets from the
confessional camera:
Naomi: He does not want me sleeping in his bed. Well, I think that’s stupid, because, if
anything, it would increase our communication or makes things better.
Leroy: I’m hands down the most stressed out guy in the house
right now.
(Czar’s note: That sequence played out so much funnier if
you watched it on TV. The look on
Leroy’s face is priceless. He looks like
someone from a hostage video.)
After two weeks, I am still a little lukewarm on this
season. This episode definitely jumped
things up a notch, but our old favorites have yet to get going. I’m worried CT may be too entangled in his
own mind to unleash the carnage that he left in his wake during last
season. Also, now with Wes gone, who is
left to get under Bananas skin? I’m not
as worried about that one; he’ll find someone.
That’s all for this week from the gang at tvczar.com. Remember, when you are having trouble with
irrational women, just suspend them over water and they will change their tune
quickly… except for Camila.
The TV Czar
Camila is a beast. I hope she wins. I also laughed out loud when I read the Naomi and Leroy exchange...you've got to get a clip of that to share with those who don't watch the show.
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